Slavery is a catch 22. Awful, oppressive, harsh, bitter. Who would want to stay that way? But here's the funny thing: our ancestors of the faith did. How many times do we read in Exodus about them complaining to Moses to go back? "Why did you bring us out here to die? Couldn't we have died back in Egypt?" At the very least, they didn't know how to live any differently. What is a generational (x 400 years) ex-slave supposed to do? How are they supposed to act? Sure, slavery is awful, but it's all you know. Our slavery to sin is awful, but the default is strong.
And once you're delivered, how do you learn to walk in freedom?
I've been reading through Jackie Hill Perry's new 60-day devotional "Upon Waking" and Day 35 is a doozy. She doesn't talk about Egypt, per se, but about Lot's wife. How, when she was on the road toward freedom, she looked back at her old life - this sinful, lust-filled, awful place - and turned into a pillar of salt.
Jackie says:
"What is a longing glace toward Egypt if not proof of where your heart and citizenship really lie?... It's possible to get to the edge of deliverance and still miss it." (p. 116)
Jesus tells us to remember Lot's wife in Luke 17:32-33.
"Remember what happened to Lot's wife! If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it." (NLT)
Lot's wife was seeking to cling to a life that was an awful existence. The Israelites were slaves for generations and had no context for how else to behave.
But God in Exodus, and Jesus in Luke, and the Lord to us today tell us there is a better way. Often our testimonies contain our own "Egypt's" - these seasons of our lives that contain sin, oppression, slavery. But by God's grace, He set us free from it! Hallelujah!
But then, do we sometimes glance back? Do we sometimes forget what He saved us from? Do we sometimes try to preserve this sliver of sin hidden deep in our hearts? Do we sometime pine for the past with rose-colored glasses and forget that it was killing us?
Paul had a similar message in Ephesians 3: 12-16
I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Let us who are spiritually mature agree on these things...But we must hold onto the progress we have already made."
Paul had a past. An Egypt if there ever was one. But on the Damascus road, blinding light met him and he was completely transformed. Saul turned Paul. And he didn't look back. He kept pressing on. The mission was too great. Gentiles needed the gospel. He needed to 'hold onto the progress he had already made.'
From the pages of His Word, Jesus is calling me to give up complete and total control of my life. To remember Lot's wife and not look back. To forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead, even if the future is still hidden in His hands. To trust Him when He says, "Don't do anything. Watch and see what I will do." That as I live day-by-day the way of my life will be revealed little-by-little. That He won't give me more strength or grace for more than just today. And then He'll give me just enough light for me to step into tomorrow.
That kind of trust is scary. It's not how slaves live. That kind of freedom in Christ is new. Freedom in Christ is, I'm learning, to trust Him for water in the wilderness. That He not only knows my needs and deepest desires, but also cares enough about me to meet them in His way and in His timing. That I don't have to take it upon myself, to complain and argue with Him, to fret over unmet needs, or confusing or hurtful circumstances. Or when I am grieving, or when the daily dying feels like torture, I can trust Him that it's all for a good purpose. I can instead say, "I trust You, Lord, that your wheat is the finest. Your honey from the rock is enough for me." (Psalm 81)
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