Peter is a man after my own heart. I just love his boldness. He was always just himself. I admire and, dare I say, am a little jealous at his seeming ability to just put it all out there - right or wrong. Jesus loved him, and built His church on this Peter- this Rock.
Luke 5 is a passage a dear, Spirit-filled friend gave me last week. It came at just the right time. It is Peter's initial calling to follow Jesus as His disciple. There were so many people on the beach that day to hear Him preach, Jesus needed more space and acoustics. There were boats there, and He asked them to push out from the shore so He could teach from there (given my previous blog, this in itself is profound). When He was done preaching, He asks Simon, "Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish." (v. 4, emphasis mine). Peter said, "Look, we've been doing this all night, but Master, at Your word, I'll do it." My friend told me that the word "Master" used here was special, and denoted total surrender. Like, "I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense to me. But You're the Boss, so I'll do whatever You say."
Jesus then of course gives them the miraculous catch of fish, Peter sees his fallen state next to a holy God, and Jesus says "Don't be afraid! From now on you'll be fishing for people." They left everything and followed Him.
We don't easily forget our initial callings, especially one that was as miraculous as this would have been for this blue collar fisherman; when his confusion and doubt was met with countless miracles that looked like so many silvery fins. When his best all-night effort didn't produce anything, but when he just said, "Ok, Jesus, You get to decide" - there was the miracle.
In the middle of the night one night last week, Holy Spirit woke me up and reminded me of a phrase in John 21. Here was resurrected Jesus on the shoreline, with breakfast made. And another miraculous catch of fish, almost identical to the Luke 5 scene. Peter would have remembered this. It's not something he could have forgotten. The symbolism of the catch ("Remember when I did this before, Peter? Remeber what happened when you surrendered the first time?"), and the three reinstatements, could not have been lost on him.
Do you love me more than these? Then feed my lambs.
Do you love me? Take care of my sheep.
Do you love me? Then feed my sheep.
I've always wrestled with the calling between fisherman and shepherd. Fisherman seemed so frontline evangelistic to me - yes! let's fish for people! Whole nets full!
But my whole life, I can no longer deny, I have seen Him call me gently, tenderly, but so, so relentlessly to shepherding.
Here in Peter's dual calling and then commissioning - I see it's not one or the other, it's beautifully both. It's first one, then the other.
This week, God has called me to lead the ministry that, just several months ago, my blogs were full of wonder over. I was brand new, wide-eyed, in awe of God moving so mightily among so many precious souls that I could only describe as "harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd" (Matthew 9:36). This verse comes right before saying that the harvest is great (Matt 9:37), just like He says in John 4... the passage on white fields that led me to this ministry in the first place.
I am still processing the weight of glory surrounding this shepherding calling.
I am excited and overwhelmed. And yet, the deep-seated rightness of it is not lost on me. It's why I came. I know it with every fiber of my being. Visions of 'set them free' and sailing on waters to new horizons to restore broken hearts and identities will happen here. A faith-journey of a calling three years in the making is finally being made sight. I stand in awe and wonder.
And tonight, I admit, there is also a fear. Pushing out to deeper waters for the catch, and then answering Jesus with "Yes, I love You, no matter what You tell me to do" is a terrifying prospect. When Jesus asked Peter, He was telling him how he was going to die...
But, more than that, another friend wisely reminded me to be on guard now more than ever. I honestly can't picture how it could get any worse. The path to this point has been through fire and water already... but I knew she was right. The frontline, though there is no where else I'd rather be, is frought with danger, and no where more, I'm finding, than in the local church. It's His Bride, afterall - effective and Rock-solid - and the enemy will do what he can to spill bright red blood all over her pure white gown...
But, though the deeper waters roar and foam:
"I, the Lord, define the ocean's sandy shoreline as an everlasting boundary that the waters cannot cross. The waves may toss and roar but they can never pass the boundaries I set." (Jeremiah 5:22).
"The voice of the Lord echoes above the sea. The God of glory thunders. The Lord thunders over the mighty seas...The Lord rules over the floodwaters." (Psalm 29: 3)
"Suddenly, the glory of the God of Israel appeared from the east. The sound of his coming was like the roar of thundering waters and the whole landscape shone with his glory." (Ez. 43:2)
He is still in control. The waters may roar and foam, but the boundary lines are still His. He still hovers over the waters. His glory sounds like them. And, best of all, whether I am fisherman or shepherd, I hear Him say:
Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you got through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." (Isaiah 43: 1-3)
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