The Lord is so undeniably good. He is so carefully invested in every area and detail of our lives. And not only is He good, He wants and desires good for us. I think there is a common misconception about the Lord, that to take up our cross and follow Him is this daily sludge through muck and mire. Hardship. Toil, complete with scowls on our faces. And though daily dying to ourselves is difficult, the Word could not be more clear that He longs to place us in spacious places (Psalm 31: 8) - spaces that denote openness, safety, freedom.
The Word is clear that He wants to give us good gifts.
"Is there anyone among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will give him a snake? If you then, although you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:9-11
This passage is comforting. Yes, He's a good Father. Yes, my Spirit confirms in my heart that He wants to give me good gifts. I can look around the rooms of my life and can say with confidence: "He has given me good gifts."
But what about the times I have asked for bread and fish, and it feels like stones and snakes are given in return? You know what I'm talking about. We all have tried to ask Him for things and felt like life is just a shambles. That the desires don't get met with the satisfaction of those desires.
What has been tumbling around in my mind and heart for days are the verses before the giving of the good gifts. He tells us in verses 7 & 8 of Matthew 7 to "Ask, seek, knock. Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. Because if you do that, you'll receive. You'll find. The door will be opened."
Sometimes I don't even know what to ask for. Sometimes I find my seeking just leads to more seeking. And which door is it ok to offer a tentative tap to?
Could it be that our desires have been cauterized by life so often that we don't even know how to ask anymore?
I am sadly finding that at some point along the way, I've not thought my desires were worthy of being met. That everyone else's were more important than mine. That what's the point in asking? There wasn't time to figure it all out, so why bother? But what is so painfully beautiful about this season is that I didn't recently one day wake up and say, "Hey! Wait a minute! What about me?"
God did.
God woke me up. God said, "Hey, daughter, wait a minute." God was a good Daddy and said to my heart, "What about you?"
Because desires, the deep-down heart ones, matter. And they won't keep going unmet. And, I'm finding, not only do they matter, they matter to God. Because, remember? He's a good Father. And if the Word can be trusted (and it can), He's a good Farther who gives good gifts.
C.S. Lewis once said:
"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exist."
And the gift He gives, as we are in the beginning of this season of Advent, is ultimately Himself. He is the one who ultimately satisfies.
We see that so clearly in John 4. I keep going back to it. It's the passage that started me on this journey of ministering to women, but it's me. I'm her. It's the screensaver on my phone right now, because I have to see it so many times a day. I keep reaching for it, just to read it again. Just wanting to soak it in, believe it's true. This verse:
"Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water." John 4:10
If only we knew what was ahead! If only we believed the character of Who it is we're speaking to! If we knew that, really really believed Him, we wouldn't be afraid to ask Him. Ask Him for our deepest desires to be met. And He would be so quick to give us the Good Gift - Living Water.
Not only would He give it, but it would become springs that well up inside us (John 4:14).
The Samaritan woman at the well that day didn't know Jesus in that moment. Didn't know that several verses later, He would show her He knew everything about her. Isn't that what any of us yearn for and desire most? To be loved and known and seen and free to be ourselves, to come as we truly are, without shame? She had tried so many times to go to the well of men for that.
Thirsty.
Thirsty.
Thirsty.
Thirsty.
Thirsty.
Five times, and a sixth well was back in Sychar, laying in her bed.
So, unbelievably thirsty.
But here was the Living Water, saying, "If only you knew what I want to give you, if you only knew Who I AM (the Messiah, and you're the first to know!), you wouldn't be afraid to ask me to meet those desires, and you would see how quick I am to meet them - let me tell you who you are, and everything you've done, and let me show you I how much I love you."
Let's ask, and seek, and knock again. He's such a good, good Father, who longs to give us such good, good gifts. Thank you, Jesus!
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