She's been coming for a few weeks now, and I'm amazed at how closed she was at first. I once heard from someone who has helped women like this that they are hard like early peony flowers - the potential for big, beautiful blooming - but at first, they are just closed up tight. Last night, in fact, she was wearing sunglasses, a ball cap, and the hood of her sweatshirt all at the same time. It breaks my heart. Because all that tells me is she's lived a life of danger and fear.
She wants to stay hidden.
But with me, in my car eating tacos or sandwiches after group, she opens up. I'm amazed at how just a few drops will open the beautiful petals, if only for an instant.
This year, the Lord has hidden me. I have felt put up high, on a shelf. Not forgotten, just not displayed. Still used, but only for His specific purposes in the hidden places. I think of how spies must feel. Hidden in the shadows, no one knowing what has been done, but saving the world anyway.
Song of Songs has a beautiful passage about this in chapter 2:
"Now [my Lover] comes closer, even to the places where I hide..." [The Lover says] "I have come as you have asked to draw you to my heart and lead you out. For now is the time, my beautiful one. The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone...Can you not discern this new day of destiny breaking forth around you? The early signs of my purposes and plans are bursting forth. The budding vines of new life are now blooming everywhere. The fragrance of their flowers whispers, "There is change in the air." Arise, my love, my beautiful companion, and run with me to the higher place. For now is the time to arise and come away with me. For you are my dove, hidden in the split-open rock. It was I who took you and hid you up high in the secret stairway of the sky..." (Song of Songs 2: 8-14 The Passion Translation)
The Lord places us in hidden clefts, and then calls us out when it's time. But in the hiddenness, there is an intimacy that is unmatched. He knows where we are. We are not forgotten. His purposes are sure.
Blooming does come.
Next week, I launch my support group and I feel all at once humbled and honored. What a privilege to hold hearts and stories in sacred spaces. In fact, it can only be done in the hidden places. This work is not for show. No lights for display. Restoration ministry is deep, soul work that can only be done, often, in the dark. Not the dark of evil (that's already been done), but in the dark of the dirt, as seeds of truth are planted to replace lies and transformation takes root. It's dirty, and yet, elemental. I've learned that this past year has been a simulation; I needed to go through and experience so many hard, hard emotions so that I knew, in small taste, what my ladies have gone through. Jesus was human to go through all the struggles we humans have so He could reconcile us to Himself.
Hidden in the grave for three days, but bursting forth in a blooming no one could have anticipated. That is resurrection. And that is this work.
Comments