This post is months in the making. And I know I've still not fully gleaned all that the Lord is wanting to show me through it. But this morning, I had to get something out of my mind and heart and into written words. For whatever reason, He's made me that way. In the writing, it becomes more clear.
Ezekiel 3 is a continuation of this prophet's calling:
"...Open your mouth, and eat what I give you." Then I looked and saw a hand reaching out to me. It held a scroll, which he unrolled... The voice said to me, "Son of man, eat what I am giving you - eat this scroll! Then go and give its message to the people of Israel." So I opened my mouth, and he fed me the scroll. "Fill your stomach with this," he said. And when I ate it, it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth... Then he added, "Son of man, let all my words sink deep into your own heart first. Listen to them carefully yourself. Then go to your people in exile and say to them, "This is what the Sovereign Lord says!" (Ezekiel 2:8-9, 3:1-3, 10-11)
This season has been the Lord giving me words to say to exiles. And that privilege, and the words, both, are as sweet as honey. But the caution of the Lord through Ezekiel is to 'let all my words sink deep into your own heart first. Listen to them carefully yourself. Then go..."
I wish I could skip this part. I wish I could skip ahead, over the fire, through the water.
Spiritually speaking, I'm in a battle of my life.
When I started this new calling this summer, when the short honeymoon abruptly ended, when the heavy load was lifted and I could breathe again, I began to feel an emptiness I couldn't shake. I was so dry. Spent. And whenever I feel this way, I've been trained by Spirit to come to Him. So I fasted. 40+ days turned into months. I went to Him, longing for Him to fill me with more of Himself. And in this same season, the enemy of my soul has come so hard against me. My flesh has cried out in pain so deep. It's crying still.
Psalm 81 is a place He has taken me and I've been meditating on it for months. Like a stick of honey, I've been trying to pinch out every last drop of goodness from these 16 verses. But the truths contained there are not easily gained. Like rocks in a tumbler, time and grit, it seems, are the only things that will make my rough edges smooth.
Psalm 81 references Meribah (Ex. 17), when God tested the Israelites faith when there was no water. When they asked Him "Is the Lord with us or not?" (Ex. 17: 7). I confess, I have asked this too many times. In this Psalm, He gives them 'stern warnings' not to run to false gods, "for it was I, the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things" (Psalm 81:10). He resorts to begging: "Oh, that my people would listen to Me! Oh, that Israel would follow me, walking in my paths!" But He won't beg forever. He'll turn us over to our own devices, our own ways, this Psalm says.
But the Psalm ends with my favorite verse. False gods will not satisfy, "But I [the Lord says] would feed you with the finest of wheat. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock."
When I first read this Psalm in my emptiness, I thought: "Wouldn't it be wonderful for those caught in addiction, struggle, and pain to hear that truth! For them to see it is the Lord alone who satisfies? Not meth or alcohol, not sex or fame, not a relationship or job, just Him alone."
Looking back, I laugh at myself. I hate to admit that when I first read this Psalm my first thought was of others who needed it. I see now, when I read that Psalm - over and over and over again - God wanted me, the worst of all, to understand the most.
My struggle may not be those things I just mentioned, but I too, like us all, have false gods who need to be taken down from the alter of heart. To hear the words of our Father who says, "It was I, the Lord, who took the heavy weight off your shoulders and freed you! It was I, the Lord, who gave you water from the rock in the desert. It was I, the Lord, who will give you the finest of wheat, honey..."
If only you would listen.
If only you would open your mouth wide, so I can be the One to fill it.
I'm scheduled to go on stage at the end of this month and teach from this passage of Scripture. But like Ezekiel, he won't let me do that until I've tasted and seen for myself that He is good. That He alone satisfies.
Lord, help me open my mouth wide so you alone can fill it.
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