This Grace.

John 10-12

It's the beginning of the end of Jesus, these chapters. He's the Good Shepherd, Lazarus is raised to life after death, and Mary, in blessed worship, pours oil on Jesus' feet, preparing Him for burial...

It's preparing for week four in my time with these precious ladies every Sunday morning, and tonight, as I continue to write the devotional for them as a guide, I come empty, but eager. I so desperately want them to know this is where it gets so, so good. All of John has been a build up to this. All of Jesus' early ministry will hinge on these chapters.

For some reason, I want to open my chest and allow them to peer into my heart and see how precious these Words are to me. How do I tell them what these chapters have meant to me over the years?

Chapter 10... Do they know the Shepherd's voice, who calls them out and keeps them safe from thieves and wolves and robbers? How can I tell them how much I've tried to discern His voice in my life? How I've tucked myself in with this chapter like a blanket when life feels dark and I say, "Help me be a good sheep, Jesus. I want to hear your voice."

Do they know how much I love (like, obsessed! like want-to-teach-a-womans-conference-just-on) John chapter 11 - how Jesus had His second (His second!!) deep theological discussion with a woman (chapter 4 was the first)? How much that means to me as a female Christ-follower? I want them to see how tenderly He asked her, "Didn't I tell you that if you believe, you would see the glory of God?" That she would see the Resurrection and the Life in this life, not just in the one to come. How much I cling to this promise in the times I want to see Resurrection happen for me, now.

John 12 - And can they tell how mesmerized I've always been, even from when I was a little girl, by the phrase: "And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume." Are they ready to pour out their lives on His feet in worship? Am I?

I realize now that I want to show them, because I want them to cling to these Words too...

Secondly, I've found over these last few weeks that we're sisters. That of course I've not arrived. That I struggle as they struggle. I may have walked with the Shepherd longer than they have, but the same truths still apply. And are just as hard to apply...

Tonight, I am so humbled, and honestly, feeling so unworthy.

Only by His blood are we set free. His covering is my only resume. I only stand before them as one washed clean, like them. And how, given time, they can lead others through the Scriptures too.

It's a beautiful thing. This grace.